the world through rose colored glasses

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 18:22:33 GMT

from now on im gonna be using

X_pixie

no more of this name because i dont like it any more. : )

so yeah, happy birthday.

at kellies

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 17:29:45 GMT

today is my cuzins bday party thing. we are having fun...so far. last night me and kel gave her a bag of thongs bras tampons and all that good crap so it was funny as all hell to see the look on her face. she got sooo pissed. but hey, all in the name of a good laugh.

brents party thing was funn...in a way. it had it's good times and it's bad times. but overall it was okay.

blah.

more blah.

the end

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 04:54:36 GMT

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I GOTTA take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway

-just heard that song by kelly clarkson and i was amazed because those are my exact thoughts...

new name!

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 04:23:09 GMT

i got a new username because this one is old. and its just getting older and older. so here, if your my friend, add it! im gonna add everyone thats on my friends list now so...horray!

x_pixie

so sexy right?

another day down the drain

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 04:29:05 GMT

oh man...today was a total waste

honestly, besides straigtening my hair, i got nothing accomplished. i should be ashamed.

i have no idea what to get my bro for his birthday. if any of the guys that read this think of anything good, could u let me know because i havent the slightest. :/

im kindof dissapointed because theres this one kid i thought i had feelings for, but i dont. at all. and that became painfully obvious to me tonight. i wish i could change it, but i think i have feelings for someone else. someone i would never even thinking about having "feelings" for...but feelings suck all together, so im gonna block them out. they are icky.

blah d blah d blah. nothing to say because i am dull.

the end.

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 17:17:29 GMT

yesterday was kinda boring...i had my summer band concert at an insane hour in the morning...9:30!!!!!! ew. those people are stupid, but it went well. the little kids are so cute, they all like, move in flocks, and they cant really play yet. aw. but they try so hard.

anywhoo, brents little shin-dig is tonight. should be interesting. i hope it rains. and if anything amazing happens i'll be sure to post it.

i really want to get a pair of checkered shoes, because as most know ive recently found ska music, and WOAH, theres my new obsession. so i researched how it started and everything and i learned that the black and white checkers actually symbolized their wanting of racial unity. i think thats awesome.

hmm i think thats about it. im gonna be trying to update this more often, but who knows.

=D

chocolate chuncks will solve all problems

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 04:40:53 GMT

today was pretty fun. kinda boring at times, but overall i had a good day.

i woke up late and rolled out of bed to go to summer band. dont get me wrong, i love band, and i love the kids i play with...but they have alot to learn. but so do i, so hey, what can ya do?
got home, chilled, started writing a duet for alto sax and flute...its pretty so far but i only have like 12 measures.
then i did a whole lot of nothing until i took a nap. and then woke up at like 9, ate dinner, and then went online to help out kelly and to be bored with live journal...which would be now. :)

im also going to be moving soon, but i think i might just tell my mom i want to live with my grandma so i dont have to deal with the moving experience and switching schools and crapperoni like that. i dont know yet. maybe ill just go live with my dad. *shrug*

okay. ive had my fill of lj-time. toodles.

STUFF

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 22:57:20 GMT

http://www.livejournal.com/community/____shookdown/

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
that is a kick ass community. and since i suck at life and everything in life, i have not learned to posses photos so when you clicky upon them, they take you to that page. so here is a link to make up for my suckiness. sorry for the inconvinience.
CLICKY CLICKY!

teehee

moving is a poo head...

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 03:23:58 GMT

i just got back from sallys. it was fun. very very wet. he's a cool kid believe you me.

i got news today that im going to be moving within a month, a month and a half tops. im not sure where to though. it makes me sad not knowing if im gonna be able to go to school in westwood. even though i heard that Ridgewood has an awesome music program...i would be so broken-hearted to leave all my fellow bandians and ms. y and pena. sadness. mucho sadness.

yeah so now im eating sugar to keep my hopes up. im not sure how its going to help but im hoping it will...

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 02:40:30 GMT

live journal is an asshole. ughhhh.
i wrote a whole bunch on moving and friends and crap and then it deleted it. ughhh!

bottom line: i hope i dont have to move away and i know i would miss all of my friends if i did...

almost bottom line:...i would miss my friends a lot.

not quite bottom line:...im tired of life.

anyways, im thinking i maybe should eat a little more because ive actually lost weight since i weighed myself last.

shoes suck. and tetherball is a bitch.

Wed, 30 Jun 2004 19:36:15 GMT

wow...alot has happened and i havent been writing here at all.

to start off, things arent too great. i guess they could be worse, but for the most part they could be alot better, too. theres just too much going on and its making me kinda stressed lately. its been hard because i dont really have anyone to talk to anymore because alot of the stuff i need to talk about concerns them and its just awkward...im not sure what im gonna do but i'll figure out something. : /

anyway, i got my piccolo. its awesome. : D its an Avalon, and apparently its a guitar brand er whatever, but it plays well so all is good. i think it needs a new case though...hmmm....

my dad is coming to visit soon. thats always cool, but he expects me to spend all day with him e v e r y d a y. *shrug* you win some, you lose some.

alright...im out.

*spazzes* blah!

a check in the box....

Fri, 25 Jun 2004 05:00:58 GMT

im getting my piccolo tomorrow or monday! yay! yay for piccolos and yay for music. NO YAY FOR ANYTHING ELSE.

:P - Carla

another day, another adventure

Tue, 22 Jun 2004 22:06:02 GMT

i love it when the world is upside down. i wonder if it will still be upside down when school starts again....i dont think i would mind if it was because right now im pretty content with the situation i'm in...except for me and a few people being at war. *wink* not that i really think it would matter, because soon we wont remember what happened in out sucky childhoods and we will be out making a name for ourselves in the world. we just have to remember to have fun while we do that!

that was really corny...

does anyone read this anyway??...hmmm

comp class. ohh what fun

Wed, 16 Jun 2004 15:17:48 GMT

lets see. im sitting.
yay for me.

im listening to Buckcherry. i have been all day. i love them. :)

i probably failed the computer class final that i just finished. but i dont really care because its computer class. what the fuck is that anyway?

hmmm....im hungry.

i finally brought emily some cds to burn stuff like Garbage and Nirvana so im a happy camper to get some new cool music to obsess over for a few days.

thats about it. i have another hour until i get out of class so i will probably update every other 10 minutes or so because im fricken BORED!

ta ta lovies.

Fri, 11 Jun 2004 00:04:24 GMT

Heart of Gold

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

...ha! who woulda thunk it.

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 23:54:20 GMT

You are cutting

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

blah blah blah
kinda bored...

me and sally are no longer an "item" which i think is for the better...but i dont know. i just hope we can still be friends because sally is such a cool kid and i would hate to lose him as a friend.

im kindof happy because i have new options and i think i just need to start new with everything. school, life, why im living life. its just all a blur now and im looking forward to things becoming a little bit clearer.

tomorrow is the last full day of school. its such a bittersweet moment. knowing i will never see some of these people again...but at the same time knowing they are off to bigger and better things...*sigh* there is so much i wish i could write, and a few of you probably know what im talking about...but let's just hope for the best because i wouldnt be able to stand it if happened and had to end like this.

<33333333333 please bear with me these next few days...i need you guys now more than ever...

xo carla xo

i dont know where to begin...

Sat, 05 Jun 2004 02:58:03 GMT

i've decided i cryed way too much today...

the tears flow so smoothly
so i guess it must be natural
to feel this way
just go this way
i have no other choices.
when all you see is the blinding darkness
rescuing the sins
you cant help but ask yourself
is this the only place i fit in?
you know its wrong
but you still fight
to see the good things
even when they just live in songs...
i wish you could know
what i need to hear
would you help me then?
should i make it more clear?
its interesting how a mind and heart fight
have you been to the battle?
or have you coward in fright
of the things to come
and the times we still know
just please remember me
if i go...

that poem is so fucked up, but then again, so am i.
*sigh*
the dance...god dammit.
i promised myself i wouldnt cry. i knew i was going to though. i dont understand why i even bother. there are so many people leaving that i feel so attached to. even though alot of them might not be really close friends, im still going to miss them alot. im not quite sure what to make of the whole ordeal...
im kindof at a tough point right now. i have to make alot of decisions, decisions that have a huge affect on the rest of my life. it seems like i have no choice but to bite my tounge and do what needs to be done. the only hard thing is, deciding what to do...
i found out some stuff that i could have lived without knowing...i really didnt know how to feel about it either. its one of those weird bittersweet moments where you dont know if you should celebrate or go into a depression. i guess i'll figure something out...

one song---
Another turning point a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable but in the end
It's right I hope you've had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good heath and good time
Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable but in the end
It's right I hope you've had the time of your life

Green Day "Good Riddance"

^come on you know you cant read that without wanting to bawl your eyes out...

i'll miss every single person who is leaving, because they all have a spot in my heart. i dont know what im gonna do without you guys...

Vice President Position, here i come!

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 00:33:56 GMT

ive decided to run for the Vice President position for student council of my freshman class! right now im writing the speech...ehh speeches. i dont think im gonna do good. but im still really excited. i want to get involved with the school, especially now that im going into the highschool. i want to be a part of the desicions, and help out in any way i can. i think i have a chance at this thing and im gonna try my best. anyone who's friends with me and thinks i can do it, please vote for me because it means alot. and i guess even if i dont make it, at least i'll know that i tryed to make a difference. so vote right and vote for a band geek!...come on. you can trust band geeks *wink wink*

in other news im feeling really...normal. its weird because ive forgotten what it feels like to feel normal. like in that one Rooney song umm...i completely forgot what its called but its all like...yeah. nevermind. but its really cool. im starting to think thoughts that are good and im just feeling really...renewed. maybe its just me...or maybe its maybelline.

...sorry, i just had to say that. :)

haha pena got mad at me for making a mess in the hallway today. i took that styrafoam stuff and i tore it apart into little pieces so it looked like it was snowing. he got mad. i wasnt really listening but i think he called me immature. which i am. but oh well, he should know that by now. actually, come to think of it he's been in a bad mood lately, the other day he got mad at me because i took some rape pamphlets from the hallway bulletin board while i went to my locker. i got my hallway privaligles taken away from me...hehe. oopsies. well in the words of John Bender "Being bad feels pretty good"...yes, john...yes it does.

i think i want to join a church. if anyone who actually reads this goes to a church and they think its pretty cool, comment and tell me about it or something. i want to explore my options.
*please no jehovah's witness cult crap*

Memorial day...isnt that just dandy.

Mon, 31 May 2004 18:01:30 GMT

the parade...o m g
---it sucked. in all honesty, jifdp;oaifjdkasl;ghide;aurjkdlsa;hgidaurke;aifwuli;dsahgads. uuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhh.

where do i go from here?...nowhere. there is nothing to think about. i dont feel like talking. im sick of being treated like a child. im sick of being looked down on and having people think they need to protect me. why cant i accept this? why cant anyone accept me? i dont know whats happening. i have no control. i hate not having control. i miss having fun. so much fun. its gone now and i dont know how to get it back. i miss it so fucking much. i miss being able to enjoy life and i dont know why i cant anymore... everything seems so perfect and i cant figure out why its not.

...if help is what i want, then why?..with what? i dont understand myself...i wish i knew how to un-do this disaster i've caused. its not fixable. i need someone to help me put the pieces together. but of what? there are no fucking pieces...just me and my mind, if it was that simple...

people suck. e v e r y s i n g l e o n e.

Mon, 31 May 2004 00:04:46 GMT

life is shit.

everything i've ever known or thought i knew has gone out the window along with my sanity. i feel like screaming my fucking head off because everything is just so unbearable. i know im just a kid, but should a kid have to go through so much???? i know that im probably over reacting but i dont care. im freaking out because i dont know who the fuck i am. i am nobody. im living life, but for nothing. for me, there is no goal, i am only here to exist. its pointless. a tragedy.

i dont belong. a n y w h e r e .

the world feels like a big white room and all i want to do is hide in the corner of it. there is no hope for me anymore. i cant be saved...but i dont even know anymore if it's cant, or wont. either way im screwed. i just want to go un-noticed, to live life without people around me. it would be so much easier not having to fend for myself. i wish for just one day i would have the guidance i need....even though i know where to find it...

fuck this. life is highly overrated. dont fear the reaper, he is only here to help. until then, i will swallow all my regrets along with the lump in my throat.

Sun, 30 May 2004 02:10:28 GMT

i havent updated this in a few days, but whatever. im having a lot of fun right now because im making my little cousin a birthday present. i got this white piggy bank and i got these paint pens and im designing it for her with her name on it and little hearts and stuff. its so cute!
today was pretty fun for the most part...
i had marching band practice, and got a good half hour of sleep before pena and carl actually decided to start practice. then i was a spaz and hurt myself marching. yeah, im that supid. we had to high step. my knee hit my flute, flute hit my lip, lip hit my braces, blood...not fun.
then i went shopping with my mom. yay! i got capris and a skirt. sooo adorable. i am very happy with my shopping. oh yea and i got temperary tattoos, too. i mean, come on, how can u not love those?
im so excited for tomorrow because im gonna get to see like, all of my cousins that i havent seen in forever. yay!
its kindof weird knowing i have someone to go to if i need help, or if im just feeling crappy, or if anything happens. ive never really had that before so now its beyond cool. hehe sally, i love you. :) even though lately i havent been able to hang out with him as much as i'd like to...oh well, i'll deal i suppose.
thats pretty much it. our band got excelent for the high note festival. KICK ASS BAND! hehe. yay for band.

okay im gonna go because im running out of life to talk about. <33333

---carla

concert!

Thu, 27 May 2004 03:30:21 GMT

*yawn* just got back from the concert. it was sooooo much fun. but now im really tired. i even had a solo! yay! flute choir was okay...so was jazz band, concert band was AWESOME! omg, everything went pretty well except for 1812...umm...yeah i came in early...oopsies. hehe oh well, it was tons of fun anyway. :)

i have to study for a damn science test tomorrow. suck...

eee. im so happy all that work for the concert payed off. i feel so happy! yay!

soooo tiredddd

Mon, 24 May 2004 22:37:02 GMT

*sigh* there is sooo much to be done. i have so much practicing to do for the concert, and all the school work, soon there's gonna be finals to deal with, giving up meat, all this is taking a toll on me. im so worn out from everything im doing and everyone keeps telling me im pushing myself to hard, but i cant quit now when its almost over for the summer.

for other news, ive decided to become a vegitarian. meat just isnt for me. its wrong to kill animals.

okay, im tired so im gonna go finish my hw so i can go to bed.

toodles----carla

No subject.

Mon, 24 May 2004 02:30:37 GMT

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

yeah. im lame but its true.

Sun, 23 May 2004 03:30:24 GMT

oooOOooo tainted love...

yeah thats the coolest song ever. so anyway, today was awesome. i went to sally's to hang out with the band and gabby, courtney, and erin. hehe it was alot of fun. *sigh* theres so much i cant explain. i love being with sally. its completely unexplainable. so im not even gonna try to explain it... :). i really didnt want today to end, but now its about 1130 and yeah...

i found some stuff out today that i really didnt want to know. but unfortunatly its gonna bring some big changes in my life...i dont think i want them to change yet...*sigh* wow i just realized how scared i am of change...

theres so much in life that i now realize im gonna have to deal with that im not ready for...oh well, i'll find a way i suppose.

---carla